I can’t do this anymore. It’s too painful. My heart is too empty and my mind too dark.
I’m going to drive to the store and buy some razorblades and just get this over with.
I don’t want to do it anymore… I want my life to be done already.
I can’t take feeling like this anymore.
I have reached a point where I can no longer bear it.
I am so empty.
No matter what I do, this terrible feeling of emptiness never subsides. Being around other people doesn’t help either, but only continues to empty me. The contradiction is that being alone also causes me to sink into the void inside of me further. I loathe myself and dread every second that I am conscious. Even when I am deeply unconscious in my slumber, my mind torments me with nightmares. I wish I could feel emotions like happiness and purpose and belonging. Instead I am drowning in apathy and conflicted with the burden of emptiness in every aspect of my being. I have no one I want to be with, nor are there people in my life I feel close to. I have never felt close to anyone before, nor has there been anyone who has genuinely cared about be. I do not believe that I am capable of feeling close to anyone else. I can’t continue to feel like this, or live like this. Something must change inside of me, or I will depart from this empty shell of a life that I am burdened with.